A Warrior’s Vulnerability

The willingness and ability to be vulnerable is one of the keys to the blissful, beautiful life we all desire. I have faced tremendous heart break, frustration and grief in this lifetime, as I am sure many of us can say. My saving grace has been to never give up, seriously. I have fallen so many more times than I can remember either because I was knocked down or because I put myself up for falling. Some may call me stubborn but I prefer the word determined. It helped me through the most painful times because I just refused to give up and “go home”.  I was willing to try almost anything because I would refuse to believe that this, whatever this was, was the only way.

One of my greatest strengths, my persistence and determination, has also been my biggest down fall. It may sound romantic to the great American belief of “never giving up” and there is much positive in this belief, until we take it past what we can do, literally. Our spirits, our souls, are never ending. Our bodies, not so much. We are human. There is a limit to what we can do, especially when we do not care for ourselves. That limit can /will change constantly and when we push and push without rest or care we do more harm than good to ourselves.

During these times in my life I find my patience with vulnerability, mine or another’s, tested and challenged. Don’t they see, don’t they know I do not have time for those showing their vulnerability! I have work to do, things to do. Can’t they see I am busy fighting the world, being the warrior I am????

I am a warrior and I am okay with that. I’m actually good with it because I am good at it. I passionately stand up when others won’t or can’t. I have a powerful group of fellow warriors in my life too. We all have our different passions but the drive is the same…..

And when everything within me says I need to STOP and care for myself and I ignore it, this is where it becomes troublesome. In those moments, I don’t see vulnerability as something that is bad, per se, just something I do not have time for, literally. If you/I need to fall and break down, I love you but I will not wait for you. I will tell you to toughen up or maybe to stop being a victim. And if I don’t tell you I will probably think it.

But

When I am in my place of warrior and listening to my body and soul’s needs I view vulnerability as the beautiful opportunity for connection and love that it is. I am no longer in a rush to take on the world and fix all the injustices I see or experience, I accept that which is in front of me in this moment. I have faith and trust in the fact that I will do what I can and it is enough. I trust in the Higher hand to manage the Universe without me  😉

For whatever reason, I have chosen to be in this human body in this time on earth right now. I can exhaust and harm myself trying to be more than human but I am not sure that is the plan for me. Playing the role of warrior is human. Being vulnerable is human. Both are transformational. Who’s to say one is better than the other?

Certainly not me. They are different ends of the same stick. Sometimes the act of love is to stand up and fight for goodness and light. Sometimes the act of love is to be vulnerable. Sometimes when we embrace the whole stick we understand the strength that the warrior’s vulnerability holds.

LOL9-12a

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