I have seen an increase of disagreements on social media recently. We all know what has happened in the political and judicial world this week, but I am not focusing on that in this post. Tonight I want to talk about how and why we respond to some people we disagree with differently than other people we disagree with. The difference is simple, love or fear.
Most of us have passionate beliefs, ones that we build our lives around. Then when something happens in the larger reality that disagrees with or challenges our beliefs we respond. How we respond is what I have been watching.
There are people who disagree with you but you are able to read/hear their opinion and “get” what they are saying even if you don’t agree. Then there are others who as soon as they open their mouth/start to type you can feel your blood boil. What is the difference? The difference is love or fear, for both the sender and receiver.
When someone speaks of something they are passionate about because it brings them joy/love/happiness. They communicate differently than those whose passion about something is born from fear.
When someone comes from the experience of love and joy in their life the energy and the words of their communication is different. They may ask or invite you to consider something or maybe even just tell you what their experience has been but it lacks the edge of “if you don’t believe me we will all die/go to hell” or “you are an idiot”. They can and do stand up for themselves if needed but without putting anyone else down. This is where reasonable communication can happen even when people disagree and it’s based in love/happiness and joy.
The communication that starts in fear garners, grows and builds more fear. That is why your blood boils. That is why you see red. At least you do, until you know you don’t need to anymore. And you won’t need to anymore once you understand that those people who are calling names, screaming and yelling, being nasty and ugly are the ones who are the most scared and fearful. They live a life that requires you agree with all they say/believe or terrible things will happen. Their life depends on you agreeing with them and they don’t even know you. Can you image how terrifying that must be?
Then of course there is how we choose to respond. If you find yourself wanting to scream and yell and call names in response to someone else, regardless of what they say, then my questions for you would be are you coming from that place of love/joy/happiness or are you coming from that place of fear? Why do you need them to agree with you in this moment? Why do you need anything at all from them?
Be passionate about what you love, about what brings you happiness. That is where your ability to change your life, to change the world lives. We don’t need everyone to agree with us to change the world. Let that go.
I was talking with a woman and she wondered out loud if she would ever get married.
I asked her what seemed to be a natural question back. Did she want to get married?
She paused for a moment and responded with – “I don’t know.”
I paused for a moment and then responded. “If you want to get married you probably will. If you don’t want you probably won’t. It is your choice.”
She looked at me with a slightly amazed look in her eyes as she said “Ummm, sure…..”
It became very clear to me that she didn’t really consider her future marital status within her control.
How much is within our control but because we are unable/unwilling to make a decision, it gets left up to chance or becomes someone else’s decision?
And then it is gone
The power in the belief
Of the lie
That I am a victim
A victim of anything
I watch as my Being
The beliefs that let the lie slide into my truth
Vanished like the fallacies that they were
Leaving no trace of my former self
But always never ending the same Being
And as I sit and watch
The cells of my body start to vibrate
And the world shifts around me
No movement or fear as Spirit comes through me
I am lighter, stronger, flexible and true
I am clear, powerful, humbled and grateful
I am everything that I always have been
And now I allow it to Be
Last year I began a new mantra “I am free of fear.” When I first started saying it I heard my mind fight back saying “NO – fear is not always bad, sometimes it keeps you safe.” At first I did not know what to say to my response to my mantra so I did not respond and keep saying to myself “I am free of fear.” After a day or two I went through it again. I said my mantra, my mind responded and then awareness blossomed. Fear does not keep us safe, wisdom and understanding does. While being fearful of fire will probably keep you away from fire it does not necessarily keep you safe from being hurt by fire. If you were put in a situation with fire it is very likely you might be unable to act to take care of yourself because of your fear. When you can approach fire with wisdom and an understanding of how it works and what it can do there is no fear. There is respect.
Then I became aware of fear one early morning. I was lying in bed around 4am and suddenly I felt fear. It was a heaviness, tightness and a darkness. If you have felt fear you understand how it feels. I immediately started to attach reasons to feel fear and all those things that I could worry about came to mind. It was like my mind was trying to put labels to what my spirit was experiencing. Then I realized that the fear itself was not attached to a reason, like, being able to pay my bills, failing at my business, being alone forever but it was a separate item. Fear was fear; I was choosing to put a label to it. When I came to this awareness, I stopped and something amazing happened. I understood that I did not have to label it to match any experience I had that I could simply see it as something that was not me, a separate energy. I saw my natural habitual response of feeling fear then put a label that fit my experience on it. Then I would obsess about the label, taking my energy away from the actual cause which was the shared experience of fear and focus on the symptom not the cause.
For us, for humanity, it is not about eradicating the fear OF something it is about disconnecting from fear. Our minds attach the “of something” – whatever it is that fits our life experience, fear of not having enough money, enough food, being cheated on, dying, of losing someone we love, losing our status – this list is infinite. We have believed that when we experience fear there must be a reason for it. We put a label on it. I now understand that when we run around healing the fear “of something” we are healing small pieces, which is important and not complete.
When we can experience fear as it is something outside of us that we habitually label with our own experience and take in as ours then we realize that we do NOT have to own or accept it as part of us. It is something outside of us that we can choose to see as outside of us, not take it in as our own and allow it to pass by. As fear has fewer humans to live in will be transformed to light for there will be nowhere else for it to go.
I LOVE how the same thing can mean something very different depending ONLY on where I am in life.
Take the rain –
Living in Arizona for so many years, the rain always thrilled me – the coolness, clarity and the scent, oh my, the scent. Is there anything that smells cleaner to me? Not much. I loved it so much I was sure I would love Portland.
So I moved to Portland.
I did love Portland – And I lost my love of the rain, at least rain every day. It was no longer cool and clean. It became cold, moldy and dark. I learned I missed the HUGE blue sky of Phoenix, the smell of the orange blossoms and the feeling of the daily warmth of the sun.
My perception change from rain as a gift to rain as a pain thrilled me!
Rain is rain, right? Or does it depend on how I see the rain more than the actual rain itself?
So, how we see things can actually be more important than the thing itself. Think about the freedom that comes with that. It is not about “what” it is but it is about our perception of it. And our perception is ours. We choose it, we control it, we can change it, if we want.
We should never believe everything we think. We are more intuitive and connected than we often think we are. Thoughts are energy and they move around this earth looking for humans who are are receptive to them in that moment. Those humans don’t have to be receptive to them at any other time in their lives just that one moment when they float by.
What that means for us is that the moment we are in and what we are receptive to can cause us to “think” different things. If we are in a place of pain or fear due to something that happened in our life we become more receptive to similar thought patterns and our resistance to more of those entering into our energy is down. This can cause a spiral downward.
This of course works the other way. If we are in a place of joy or love due to something that happened in our life we become more receptive to similar thought patterns causing a spiral up. But right now we will focus on the downward spiral.
So it is a good thing we have some options. We could choose to never have a painful or fearful experience in our life so the negative thoughts have nothing to attach to to cause a downward spiral. We could “fake it” and pretend that our pain or fear is not really affecting us so we don’t attract any negative thoughts (just for clarity, the thoughts don’t pay any attention to the lies we may tell ourselves or others – they know fear like animals do). We can just accept that we are victims to our human experience for that day or for the rest of our life and just allow the negative thoughts fly in and twist how we see things possibly causing illness and other negative or painful experiences, ie drama.
Or – or just maybe we can understand that, as spiritual as we may be, the human experience often has fear and pain as part of the experience. And if/when we find our human experience is one of pain we go quiet. No fight, no denial, no jumping on the pain bandwagon, no victimhood. We acknowledge that moment of pain, go quietly into it and remain spiritually quiet. We experience it and do not attach to it. It may be the truth of our human life experience for the moment but it does not define us unless we wish it to. There is no rule book in mandatory feelings in response to our experiences, those are our choice. The choices made in the quiet are often the strongest and most real ones available to us.
When we understand this and live it, those negative thoughts flying around will simply fly on by. There will be nothing to attach to. When we do this we experience the purity of the pain and remain centered within it. It does not control us nor does it build to a place in our mind where the worst possible outcome suddenly seems like the only thing that could happen. And we move through it more easily and clearly with grace intact.
On a final note – Living the “right” spiritual life does not mean a life without pain or grief or even extreme difficulty. No one gets out of this human experience with their human body in tact. But living a spiritual life with love at the center will allow you gain the clearest,most loving human experience possible, regardless of the pain.
But that is for another post.
Why is it a fully accepted practice in many belief systems to subjugate our personal experiences, knowledge and even our own connection to a Divine power to another human being’s definition of it?
Is it possible that someone else can know more about your relationship to your higher power than you? What would that person have to do for you to defer to them? How could someone prove to you that you should trust your spiritual self to their definition?
Or is your relationship with the Divine yours and my relationship with the Divine mine? What if they are different? How is that possible? Or is it impossible that everyone’s relationship would be the same?
Sounds like spiritual chaos. Or possibly an opportunity for growth and awareness, learning and understanding, acceptance and tolerance.