A Warrior’s Vulnerability

The willingness and ability to be vulnerable is one of the keys to the blissful, beautiful life we all desire. I have faced tremendous heart break, frustration and grief in this lifetime, as I am sure many of us can say. My saving grace has been to never give up, seriously. I have fallen so many more times than I can remember either because I was knocked down or because I put myself up for falling. Some may call me stubborn but I prefer the word determined. It helped me through the most painful times because I just refused to give up and “go home”.  I was willing to try almost anything because I would refuse to believe that this, whatever this was, was the only way.

One of my greatest strengths, my persistence and determination, has also been my biggest down fall. It may sound romantic to the great American belief of “never giving up” and there is much positive in this belief, until we take it past what we can do, literally. Our spirits, our souls, are never ending. Our bodies, not so much. We are human. There is a limit to what we can do, especially when we do not care for ourselves. That limit can /will change constantly and when we push and push without rest or care we do more harm than good to ourselves.

During these times in my life I find my patience with vulnerability, mine or another’s, tested and challenged. Don’t they see, don’t they know I do not have time for those showing their vulnerability! I have work to do, things to do. Can’t they see I am busy fighting the world, being the warrior I am????

I am a warrior and I am okay with that. I’m actually good with it because I am good at it. I passionately stand up when others won’t or can’t. I have a powerful group of fellow warriors in my life too. We all have our different passions but the drive is the same…..

And when everything within me says I need to STOP and care for myself and I ignore it, this is where it becomes troublesome. In those moments, I don’t see vulnerability as something that is bad, per se, just something I do not have time for, literally. If you/I need to fall and break down, I love you but I will not wait for you. I will tell you to toughen up or maybe to stop being a victim. And if I don’t tell you I will probably think it.

But

When I am in my place of warrior and listening to my body and soul’s needs I view vulnerability as the beautiful opportunity for connection and love that it is. I am no longer in a rush to take on the world and fix all the injustices I see or experience, I accept that which is in front of me in this moment. I have faith and trust in the fact that I will do what I can and it is enough. I trust in the Higher hand to manage the Universe without me  😉

For whatever reason, I have chosen to be in this human body in this time on earth right now. I can exhaust and harm myself trying to be more than human but I am not sure that is the plan for me. Playing the role of warrior is human. Being vulnerable is human. Both are transformational. Who’s to say one is better than the other?

Certainly not me. They are different ends of the same stick. Sometimes the act of love is to stand up and fight for goodness and light. Sometimes the act of love is to be vulnerable. Sometimes when we embrace the whole stick we understand the strength that the warrior’s vulnerability holds.

LOL9-12a

Be Passionate About What You Love Not What You Fear – If you want to be happy and heard

I have seen an increase of disagreements on social media recently. We all know what has happened in the political and judicial world this week, but I am not focusing on that in this post. Tonight I want to talk about how and why we respond to some people we disagree with differently than other people we disagree with. The difference is simple, love or fear.

Most of us have passionate beliefs, ones that we build our lives around. Then when something happens in the larger reality that disagrees with or challenges our beliefs we respond. How we respond is what I have been watching.

There are people who disagree with you but you are able to read/hear their opinion and “get” what they are saying even if you don’t agree. Then there are others who as soon as they open their mouth/start to type you can feel your blood boil. What is the difference? The difference is love or fear, for both the sender and receiver.

When someone speaks of something they are passionate about because it brings them joy/love/happiness. They communicate differently than those whose passion about something is born from fear.

When someone comes from the experience of love and joy in their life the energy and the words of their communication is different. They may ask or invite you to consider something or maybe even just tell you what their experience has been but it lacks the edge of “if you don’t believe me we will all die/go to hell” or “you are an idiot”. They can and do stand up for themselves if needed but without putting anyone else down. This is where reasonable communication can happen even when people disagree and it’s based in love/happiness and joy.

The communication that starts in fear garners, grows and builds more fear. That is why your blood boils. That is why you see red. At least you do, until you know you don’t need to anymore. And you won’t need to anymore once you understand that those people who are calling names, screaming and yelling, being nasty and ugly are the ones who are the most scared and fearful. They live a life that requires you agree with all they say/believe or terrible things will happen. Their life depends on you agreeing with them and they don’t even know you. Can you image how terrifying that must be?

Then of course there is how we choose to respond. If you find yourself wanting to scream and yell and call names in response to someone else, regardless of what they say, then my questions for you would be are you coming from that place of love/joy/happiness or are you coming from that place of fear? Why do you need them to agree with you in this moment? Why do you need anything at all from them?

Be passionate about what you love, about what brings you happiness. That is where your ability to change your life, to change the world lives. We don’t need everyone to agree with us to change the world. Let that go.

Beyond

For the First Time

Brought to tears
By the beauty of the wasteland
Of my past
I am honored by all that I have been given

For the first time

Judgments float by untethered and released
I breathe in the purity of my soul

For the first time

I touch the air warm and thick with potential
And the masses in my perception disintegrate

For the first time

The truths of my obsessions and the timing of my fears
Ring false and out of rhythm with the quietness within

For the first time

I am the knowing and the being
I am the guide and the guided
The fearful and the courageous
The lies and the truth

For the first time

I am the beauty
I am the love
I am the everything

For the first time

I am all.

Are You Living Your Life’s Purpose – Someone I Didn’t Know Died Today

Someone I didn’t know and never met died today. Over 200,000 people in the world will die today; all ages, races, religions in all countries of the world. They will die by their hand, another’s actions, mistakes, accidents, crimes, quietly or with much trauma. All day. Every day. And on most days I do not know nor have heard of any of them. I might then believe that I do not know how they changed the world, who they loved, who loved them, what brought them joy or the pain they caused or carried but I would be wrong.

Someone I didn’t know and never met died today but I have been given the opportunity to feel their spirit and see their light through the words and feelings of those who knew them intimately. I am reminded just how small and how substantial my personal human experience is in this vast Universe. All of those things that I devote my time and energy to, do they tell the story of who I truly am, what I love and where I find my joy? While I know that our human deaths are simply a passing from one energy field to another, there is a finality and limitations to what we can do while we are in human form. That is the whole concept of being in human form; working within the structure and limitations of the physical plane.

Someone I didn’t know and never met died today. Did they live the purpose of their life? Did they do so with passion and abandon? In my work I talk with many people regarding finding the purpose of their life. My simple answer to “What is my purpose?”

Is

Living so that everyone who knows you knows what you love, what makes you shine, what brings you joy, what lights you up and what heals you. That is your legacy. That is what we energetically leave on this human plane when we go. This is how we change the world. Share what you love with love in any way you can, whenever you can. The work of your life is to free yourself of all limitations. And even if there are millions of people who didn’t know you and never met you, you know that you have made a positive impact on this world. That you have used your time on this earth powerfully and many have and will gain from your loving life in ways you could never imagine. Like ripples of love in this universe of energetic consciousness.

In this way your life is limitless and endless, always and forever. And then even if I have never met you or never heard of you on this physical plane I know you by the signature of your energy, of your love.

Love

Fear

Last year I began a new mantra “I am free of fear.”  When I first started saying it I heard my mind fight back saying “NO – fear is not always bad, sometimes it keeps you safe.”  At first I did not know what to say to my response to my mantra so I did not respond and keep saying to myself “I am free of fear.”  After a day or two I went through it again.  I said my mantra, my mind responded and then awareness blossomed.  Fear does not keep us safe, wisdom and understanding does.  While being fearful of fire will probably keep you away from fire it does not necessarily keep you safe from being hurt by fire. If you were put in a situation with fire it is very likely you might be unable to act to take care of yourself because of your fear.   When you can approach fire with wisdom and an understanding of how it works and what it can do there is no fear.  There is respect.

Then I became aware of fear one early morning. I was lying in bed around 4am and suddenly I felt fear.  It was a heaviness, tightness and a darkness.  If you have felt fear you understand how it feels.  I immediately started to attach reasons to feel fear and all those things that I could worry about came to mind.  It was like my mind was trying to put labels to what my spirit was experiencing.  Then I realized that the fear itself was not attached to a reason, like, being able to pay my bills, failing at my business, being alone forever but it was a separate item.  Fear was fear; I was choosing to put a label to it.  When I came to this awareness, I stopped and something amazing happened.  I understood that I did not have to label it to match any experience I had that I could simply see it as something that was not me, a separate energy.  I saw my natural habitual response of feeling fear then put a label that fit my experience on it.  Then I would obsess about the label, taking my energy away from the actual cause which was the shared experience of fear and focus on the symptom not the cause.

For us, for humanity, it is not about eradicating the fear OF something it is about disconnecting from fear.  Our minds attach the “of something” – whatever it is that fits our life experience, fear of not having enough money, enough food, being cheated on, dying, of losing someone we love, losing our status – this list is infinite.  We have believed that when we experience fear there must be a reason for it.  We put a label on it.  I now understand that when we run around healing the fear “of something” we are healing small pieces, which is important and not complete.

When we can experience fear as it is something outside of us that we habitually label with our own experience and take in as ours then we realize that we do NOT have to own or accept it as part of us.  It is something outside of us that we can choose to see as outside of us, not take it in as our own and allow it to pass by.  As fear has fewer humans to live in will be transformed to light for there will be nowhere else for it to go.

Kindness = Connection

I saw this video yesterday and it got me thinking.

There are very few things that will move me to tears faster that seeing humans being kind. The type of kindness that is natural, instinctive and that happens almost without thought. When we can act in kindness for another simply because we know it is the right thing to do I believe we become aware of our connection to each other and to the Universe as a whole. And we then become the best version of humanity available to us. Part of the human experience is often a sense of separateness or aloneness. I have learned that when we experience those feelings in our life one of the best things we can do is to make a point to be kind to another and help us reconnect with each other, the Universe and ourselves. 

We don’t need to do great acts of heroism or bravery; the kindness given to another that may never be seen or never known is truly just as powerful. It is in the simple and daily acts of kindness that we build a history of connection. And in a world of humans scared to share of themselves for fear of rejection or refusal; simple daily kindnesses are the small steps to a human revolution in spiritual courage.

Inclusion or Segregation?

I have become a member of some different support groups in the past couple of years.  I have also been doing more networking on Facebook.  For the most part these are good things because they have helped me to connect with others who have had similar experiences.  A sense of empathy is often inherent in these groups and the people in them feel safe to express things they feel they cannot to someone who has not experienced the same thing.  I have connected with some beautiful people I very possibly would not have met otherwise.

And

There is something I have been noticing recently, and that is how easy it can become “us and them”, those who understand and those who don’t.  We can start seeing those outside of our group as “the other” and talk about how they don’t understand, how they don’t know, how they don’t get it.  Anger builds, tension is created and I begin to wonder….

If we spend our time with groups, in person or on line, that only agree with us and share very similar experiences as us where is our opportunity for new experiences in life?  In our very human desire for support, empathy and understanding have we separated ourselves from others?  If we listen to one news station or only visit web sites that tell us how right we are, how can we be compassionate, tolerant and accepting of those who do not listen to the same people or visit the same sites we do? What if they don’t believe the same way that we do?

In this time of “too much information” and the internet, are we connecting world wide with people who agree with us and separating ourselves from our neighbors next door who do not?  And if all our friends say we are right, then we must be.  Which of course means that everyone else is wrong.  In our desire for support and understanding are we creating groups of people who can no longer even talk to each other because there is no longer a shared language?

I see this occurring in the political realm, in social realms, in spiritual and religious areas.  Are we connecting our way into intolerance?

And finally, as a spiritual being, do I stay where I am accepted and supported or do I put myself in situations where may not be?