I have seen an increase of disagreements on social media recently. We all know what has happened in the political and judicial world this week, but I am not focusing on that in this post. Tonight I want to talk about how and why we respond to some people we disagree with differently than other people we disagree with. The difference is simple, love or fear.
Most of us have passionate beliefs, ones that we build our lives around. Then when something happens in the larger reality that disagrees with or challenges our beliefs we respond. How we respond is what I have been watching.
There are people who disagree with you but you are able to read/hear their opinion and “get” what they are saying even if you don’t agree. Then there are others who as soon as they open their mouth/start to type you can feel your blood boil. What is the difference? The difference is love or fear, for both the sender and receiver.
When someone speaks of something they are passionate about because it brings them joy/love/happiness. They communicate differently than those whose passion about something is born from fear.
When someone comes from the experience of love and joy in their life the energy and the words of their communication is different. They may ask or invite you to consider something or maybe even just tell you what their experience has been but it lacks the edge of “if you don’t believe me we will all die/go to hell” or “you are an idiot”. They can and do stand up for themselves if needed but without putting anyone else down. This is where reasonable communication can happen even when people disagree and it’s based in love/happiness and joy.
The communication that starts in fear garners, grows and builds more fear. That is why your blood boils. That is why you see red. At least you do, until you know you don’t need to anymore. And you won’t need to anymore once you understand that those people who are calling names, screaming and yelling, being nasty and ugly are the ones who are the most scared and fearful. They live a life that requires you agree with all they say/believe or terrible things will happen. Their life depends on you agreeing with them and they don’t even know you. Can you image how terrifying that must be?
Then of course there is how we choose to respond. If you find yourself wanting to scream and yell and call names in response to someone else, regardless of what they say, then my questions for you would be are you coming from that place of love/joy/happiness or are you coming from that place of fear? Why do you need them to agree with you in this moment? Why do you need anything at all from them?
Be passionate about what you love, about what brings you happiness. That is where your ability to change your life, to change the world lives. We don’t need everyone to agree with us to change the world. Let that go.
Brought to tears
By the beauty of the wasteland
Of my past
I am honored by all that I have been given
For the first time
Judgments float by untethered and released
I breathe in the purity of my soul
For the first time
I touch the air warm and thick with potential
And the masses in my perception disintegrate
For the first time
The truths of my obsessions and the timing of my fears
Ring false and out of rhythm with the quietness within
For the first time
I am the knowing and the being
I am the guide and the guided
The fearful and the courageous
The lies and the truth
For the first time
I am the beauty
I am the love
I am the everything
For the first time
I am all.
Someone I didn’t know and never met died today. Over 200,000 people in the world will die today; all ages, races, religions in all countries of the world. They will die by their hand, another’s actions, mistakes, accidents, crimes, quietly or with much trauma. All day. Every day. And on most days I do not know nor have heard of any of them. I might then believe that I do not know how they changed the world, who they loved, who loved them, what brought them joy or the pain they caused or carried but I would be wrong.
Someone I didn’t know and never met died today but I have been given the opportunity to feel their spirit and see their light through the words and feelings of those who knew them intimately. I am reminded just how small and how substantial my personal human experience is in this vast Universe. All of those things that I devote my time and energy to, do they tell the story of who I truly am, what I love and where I find my joy? While I know that our human deaths are simply a passing from one energy field to another, there is a finality and limitations to what we can do while we are in human form. That is the whole concept of being in human form; working within the structure and limitations of the physical plane.
Someone I didn’t know and never met died today. Did they live the purpose of their life? Did they do so with passion and abandon? In my work I talk with many people regarding finding the purpose of their life. My simple answer to “What is my purpose?”
Living so that everyone who knows you knows what you love, what makes you shine, what brings you joy, what lights you up and what heals you. That is your legacy. That is what we energetically leave on this human plane when we go. This is how we change the world. Share what you love with love in any way you can, whenever you can. The work of your life is to free yourself of all limitations. And even if there are millions of people who didn’t know you and never met you, you know that you have made a positive impact on this world. That you have used your time on this earth powerfully and many have and will gain from your loving life in ways you could never imagine. Like ripples of love in this universe of energetic consciousness.
In this way your life is limitless and endless, always and forever. And then even if I have never met you or never heard of you on this physical plane I know you by the signature of your energy, of your love.
I was talking with some people about energetic vampires, the people who leave you feeling exhausted after spending time with them, and how to protect yourself from them without hurting them. I think we have all known people like this in our lives, sometimes we feel free to disengage by ending the relationship, sometimes it is more difficult due to other situations and influences.
The best way to end the energy drain is to maintain strong personal boundaries. One of the easiest ways to do this is to make sure that any time something comes to you that is harmful, painful or simply not something that resonates with you, this includes allowing something to happen around you, you hold your boundaries. Do not belittle or berate. Simply, do not agree. Do not participate.
When we say yes to something we open up our own energy fields to it. This is a good thing. It is how we create/manifest our lives. Your yes is your affirmation to your life and your energy. Direct it mindfully. Use it well. It is powerful. When you do this energy vampires cannot remain in your space and no longer get what they need. This brings change to the situation.
I was talking with a woman and she wondered out loud if she would ever get married.
I asked her what seemed to be a natural question back. Did she want to get married?
She paused for a moment and responded with – “I don’t know.”
I paused for a moment and then responded. “If you want to get married you probably will. If you don’t want you probably won’t. It is your choice.”
She looked at me with a slightly amazed look in her eyes as she said “Ummm, sure…..”
It became very clear to me that she didn’t really consider her future marital status within her control.
How much is within our control but because we are unable/unwilling to make a decision, it gets left up to chance or becomes someone else’s decision?
Last year I began a new mantra “I am free of fear.” When I first started saying it I heard my mind fight back saying “NO – fear is not always bad, sometimes it keeps you safe.” At first I did not know what to say to my response to my mantra so I did not respond and keep saying to myself “I am free of fear.” After a day or two I went through it again. I said my mantra, my mind responded and then awareness blossomed. Fear does not keep us safe, wisdom and understanding does. While being fearful of fire will probably keep you away from fire it does not necessarily keep you safe from being hurt by fire. If you were put in a situation with fire it is very likely you might be unable to act to take care of yourself because of your fear. When you can approach fire with wisdom and an understanding of how it works and what it can do there is no fear. There is respect.
Then I became aware of fear one early morning. I was lying in bed around 4am and suddenly I felt fear. It was a heaviness, tightness and a darkness. If you have felt fear you understand how it feels. I immediately started to attach reasons to feel fear and all those things that I could worry about came to mind. It was like my mind was trying to put labels to what my spirit was experiencing. Then I realized that the fear itself was not attached to a reason, like, being able to pay my bills, failing at my business, being alone forever but it was a separate item. Fear was fear; I was choosing to put a label to it. When I came to this awareness, I stopped and something amazing happened. I understood that I did not have to label it to match any experience I had that I could simply see it as something that was not me, a separate energy. I saw my natural habitual response of feeling fear then put a label that fit my experience on it. Then I would obsess about the label, taking my energy away from the actual cause which was the shared experience of fear and focus on the symptom not the cause.
For us, for humanity, it is not about eradicating the fear OF something it is about disconnecting from fear. Our minds attach the “of something” – whatever it is that fits our life experience, fear of not having enough money, enough food, being cheated on, dying, of losing someone we love, losing our status – this list is infinite. We have believed that when we experience fear there must be a reason for it. We put a label on it. I now understand that when we run around healing the fear “of something” we are healing small pieces, which is important and not complete.
When we can experience fear as it is something outside of us that we habitually label with our own experience and take in as ours then we realize that we do NOT have to own or accept it as part of us. It is something outside of us that we can choose to see as outside of us, not take it in as our own and allow it to pass by. As fear has fewer humans to live in will be transformed to light for there will be nowhere else for it to go.
When we have been hurt, traumatized, taken advantage of, lied to, there comes a time when we will have to trust again. Well, maybe we won’t HAVE to but I can guarantee you that we will be called upon again to trust and make ourselves vulnerable to being hurt. In these situations I hear many people talk about trying to figure out when it will be okay to trust again. Sometimes they ask how they ever will trust again.
The true, unbeatable, undeniable fact is that if we are ever going to trust anyone/thing again we MUST choose to be vulnerable. We can put up as many tests, obstacles, demands of proof we wish but if we are ever going to trust again it is and will only ever be because we chose to be vulnerable again. That is it. It is really that simple. Another simple fact is when we are walking around this earth wounded that thought terrifies us humans, ALL of us.
As I write this, I want to be clear, I do not advocate trusting someone to act differently when they were still exhibiting the same behavior that caused the break in trust to start with. I believe that we are all beautiful souls but that does not mean we have all been able to manifest that beautiful soul into a beautiful human, all the time. It has been my experience that some fall into the trap of believing this and find themselves hurt repeatedly for that reason. Remember, we can love a rattlesnake and we can love a puppy, both are beautiful expressions of the Divine, in their own way, but when we believe we can treat the rattlesnake as a puppy we are very likely to get hurt. Choosing to pick up a rattlesnake and snuggle it to your face as you would a puppy would probably not be a wise way to share your vulnerability. At least not without expecting to be hurt. In this we learn discernment.
We do not get out of this life experience without being let down and betrayed. We can choose to close ourselves off for the rest of this human experience, OR when we are ready, when we are healed from the pain of our past we can choose to be vulnerable again. After we have healed our wounds, grew in our understanding and embraced our experience can we fully step into our own vulnerability with acceptance. And only we will know when the time is “right” for that to happen. And as always, when we are willing to walk in the beauty of our own vulnerability we actually often do not feel as vulnerable. We feel strong.