“Will I ever get married?”

I was talking with a woman and she wondered out loud if she would ever get married.

I asked her what seemed to be a natural question back.  Did she want to get married?

She paused for a moment and responded with – “I don’t know.”

I paused for a moment and then responded. “If you want to get married you probably will.  If you don’t want you probably won’t.  It is your choice.”

She looked at me with a slightly amazed look in her eyes as she said “Ummm, sure…..”

It became very clear to me that she didn’t really consider her future marital status within her control.

How much is within our control but because we are unable/unwilling to make a decision, it gets left up to chance or becomes someone else’s decision?




Allow It To Be

And then it is gone

The power in the belief

Of the lie

That I am a victim

A victim of anything


I watch as my Being



And expands


The beliefs that let the lie slide into my truth


Vanished like the fallacies that they were

Leaving no trace of my former self

But always never ending the same Being


And as I sit and watch

The cells of my body start to vibrate

And the world shifts around me


No movement or fear as Spirit comes through me

I am lighter, stronger, flexible and true

I am clear, powerful, humbled and grateful


I am everything that I always have been

And now I allow it to Be


Last year I began a new mantra “I am free of fear.”  When I first started saying it I heard my mind fight back saying “NO – fear is not always bad, sometimes it keeps you safe.”  At first I did not know what to say to my response to my mantra so I did not respond and keep saying to myself “I am free of fear.”  After a day or two I went through it again.  I said my mantra, my mind responded and then awareness blossomed.  Fear does not keep us safe, wisdom and understanding does.  While being fearful of fire will probably keep you away from fire it does not necessarily keep you safe from being hurt by fire. If you were put in a situation with fire it is very likely you might be unable to act to take care of yourself because of your fear.   When you can approach fire with wisdom and an understanding of how it works and what it can do there is no fear.  There is respect.

Then I became aware of fear one early morning. I was lying in bed around 4am and suddenly I felt fear.  It was a heaviness, tightness and a darkness.  If you have felt fear you understand how it feels.  I immediately started to attach reasons to feel fear and all those things that I could worry about came to mind.  It was like my mind was trying to put labels to what my spirit was experiencing.  Then I realized that the fear itself was not attached to a reason, like, being able to pay my bills, failing at my business, being alone forever but it was a separate item.  Fear was fear; I was choosing to put a label to it.  When I came to this awareness, I stopped and something amazing happened.  I understood that I did not have to label it to match any experience I had that I could simply see it as something that was not me, a separate energy.  I saw my natural habitual response of feeling fear then put a label that fit my experience on it.  Then I would obsess about the label, taking my energy away from the actual cause which was the shared experience of fear and focus on the symptom not the cause.

For us, for humanity, it is not about eradicating the fear OF something it is about disconnecting from fear.  Our minds attach the “of something” – whatever it is that fits our life experience, fear of not having enough money, enough food, being cheated on, dying, of losing someone we love, losing our status – this list is infinite.  We have believed that when we experience fear there must be a reason for it.  We put a label on it.  I now understand that when we run around healing the fear “of something” we are healing small pieces, which is important and not complete.

When we can experience fear as it is something outside of us that we habitually label with our own experience and take in as ours then we realize that we do NOT have to own or accept it as part of us.  It is something outside of us that we can choose to see as outside of us, not take it in as our own and allow it to pass by.  As fear has fewer humans to live in will be transformed to light for there will be nowhere else for it to go.


Is your life your choice?  I believe it is.

Did you choose to get out of bed today?

Did you choose to eat breakfast/lunch/dinner?

Did you choose something you know is NOT healthy for you?

Did you choose to kiss your lover?

Did you choose to hug your children?

Did you choose to go to work?

Did you choose to acknowledge that someone you see EVERY day?

Did you choose to try that one thing that scared you today?

Did you choose your route to work?

Did you choose to listen to that intuition in your head?

Did you choose to be kind to someone?

Did you choose to be rude to someone?

Did you choose to watch TV?  What did you choose to watch?

Did you choose to cry when you felt the sting of tears – laugh with the bubble of laughter?

Did you choose the tightness of stress or the quiet of calm?

There is no “right” or “wrong” answer to these.  The fact is that you chose.  Every day you have lived your life you chose.  That is what has brought you to this very moment in reading this.  Your life has the level of meaning that you chose to give it with the daily choices you make.   And to quote someone else – “If you choose nothing you have still made a choice.” Or something like that.

Is your life your choice?  Yes it is.

So go choose, my friend. Choose to give your live purpose. That purpose you keep looking for outside of you. Make your choices your life’s purpose. Make your life’s purpose your choice.




I LOVE how the same thing can mean something very different depending ONLY on where I am in life.

Take the rain –

Living in Arizona for so many years, the rain always thrilled me – the coolness, clarity and the scent, oh my, the scent.  Is there anything that smells cleaner to me?  Not much.  I loved it so much I was sure I would love Portland.

So I moved to Portland.

I did love Portland – And I lost my love of the rain, at least rain every day.  It was no longer cool and clean.  It became cold, moldy and dark.  I learned I missed the HUGE blue sky of Phoenix, the smell of the orange blossoms and the feeling of the daily warmth of the sun.

My perception change from rain as a gift to rain as a pain thrilled me!

Rain is rain, right?  Or does it depend on how I see the rain more than the actual rain itself?

So, how we see things can actually be more important than the thing itself.  Think about the freedom that comes with that.  It is not about “what” it is but it is about our perception of it.  And our perception is ours.  We choose it, we control it, we can change it, if we want.


Walking in the Beauty of your Vulnerability

When we have been hurt, traumatized, taken advantage of, lied to, there comes a time when we will have to trust again. Well, maybe we won’t HAVE to but I can guarantee you that we will be called upon again to trust and make ourselves vulnerable to being hurt.  In these situations I hear many people talk about trying to figure out when it will be okay to trust again. Sometimes they ask how they ever will trust again.

The true, unbeatable, undeniable fact is that if we are ever going to trust anyone/thing again we MUST choose to be vulnerable. We can put up as many tests, obstacles, demands of proof we wish but if we are ever going to trust again it is and will only ever be because we chose to be vulnerable again. That is it. It is really that simple. Another simple fact is when we are walking around this earth wounded that thought terrifies us humans, ALL of us.

As I write this, I want to be clear, I do not advocate trusting someone to act differently when they were still exhibiting the same behavior that caused the break in trust to start with. I believe that we are all beautiful souls but that does not mean we have all been able to manifest that beautiful soul into a beautiful human, all the time. It has been my experience that some fall into the trap of believing this and find themselves hurt repeatedly for that reason. Remember, we can love a rattlesnake and we can love a puppy, both are beautiful expressions of the Divine, in their own way, but when we believe we can treat the rattlesnake as a puppy we are very likely to get hurt. Choosing to pick up a rattlesnake and snuggle it to your face as you would a puppy would probably not be a wise way to share your vulnerability. At least not without expecting to be hurt. In this we learn discernment.

We do not get out of this life experience without being let down and betrayed. We can choose to close ourselves off for the rest of this human experience, OR when we are ready, when we are healed from the pain of our past we can choose to be vulnerable again. After we have healed our wounds, grew in our understanding and embraced our experience can we fully step into our own vulnerability with acceptance. And only we will know when the time is “right” for that to happen. And as always, when we are willing to walk in the beauty of our own vulnerability we actually often do not feel as vulnerable. We feel strong.

Kindness = Connection

I saw this video yesterday and it got me thinking.

There are very few things that will move me to tears faster that seeing humans being kind. The type of kindness that is natural, instinctive and that happens almost without thought. When we can act in kindness for another simply because we know it is the right thing to do I believe we become aware of our connection to each other and to the Universe as a whole. And we then become the best version of humanity available to us. Part of the human experience is often a sense of separateness or aloneness. I have learned that when we experience those feelings in our life one of the best things we can do is to make a point to be kind to another and help us reconnect with each other, the Universe and ourselves. 

We don’t need to do great acts of heroism or bravery; the kindness given to another that may never be seen or never known is truly just as powerful. It is in the simple and daily acts of kindness that we build a history of connection. And in a world of humans scared to share of themselves for fear of rejection or refusal; simple daily kindnesses are the small steps to a human revolution in spiritual courage.